10-24 to 10-29 The Calm Before The Storm

Things really started to look up after placing the cerclage. I was allowed to sit up during meals. And best of all no more catheter, bedpan and I was even allowed my first shower in 13 days. I nearly passed out when I stood up though. I was very weak and shaky still having the occasional bouts of contractions. I was so afraid to get out of that bed. For almost two weeks I had been laying on my back with my feet in the air. I had gotten so used to the idea of making a wrong move and having Kenzie fall out. That I didn't want to move. Laying in that bed had become my life line. At this point they started taking me to my daily ultrasounds still in my bed though. It was amazing to get out of my room for the first time. My first glimpse out a window brought me to tears. The leaves had changed colors. Everything was still bright and green when my water broke. The amazing benefit of going to the ultrasound was a better machine. I often wonder if the ultrasound techs. knew I was going to lose my babies. They gave me so many amazing pictures that now are so precious to me. 24 hours post cerclage I was still infection free and the Dr's in there infinite wisdom sent me to the anti-partum unit. Mind you the last 2 weeks I had been on the labor and delivery floor. I'm sure you can all imagine what it was like hearing new babies born everyday in the rooms around me. The nights after losing Kenzie were the worst. It was never the screaming moms or the babies it was the family members in the halls. One of my favorite night nurses would keep me updated about two other moms that were fighting to save their babies. I don't know what happened to them but I would pray and pray for them in the dark. In my opinion the anti-partum unit was worse that L&D. The families and babies were louder. The nurses didn't have a clue how to care for me. Most of them didn't know how to run my IV. My room change was short lived with in 24 hours I was back at L&D as my contractions increased. On the 27Th my Dr's agreed that if I was still infection free on the 31st that I would go home on the 1st. This was exciting and terrifying at the same time. How on earth would I be able to enforce strict bed rest with an 18 month old. On the 28TH I began to feel a little off. I had a stuffy nose and my lungs felt a little tight. Dr. C told me it was just a cold and that all my blood work looked great. My appetite also took a nose dive. Bad idea when you are on as much insulin as I was. I bottomed out my blood sugar. Now I know that these were my beginning symptoms. I must have know it was coming. That afternoon my brother had come for a visit. I had the "TALK" with him. What to do if I became septic and didn't make it. I told him when to pull the plug if it came to that. I showed him the urns I wanted for Pat and Abby. I even had one picked out for me. I saved letters to Shawn and Riley on his laptop. I knew my death was a very real possibility. The 29Th was a great day. My parents in an attempt to cheer me up surprised me with Riley dressed in her Halloween costume. My mother had made her the cutest clown costume. I was feeling better and Riley got to feel the babies for the first time. That was my last day with Pat and Abby.