Friday, September 25, 2009

Withdrawing

I've found myself quite conflicted lately. My babies birthday's are rapidly approaching. I can't even begin to put into words how that makes me feel. I sent out invitations to the balloon release last week. I'm not surprised that I've only received two replies. We only sent invitations to immediate family members. While I've accepted this behavior from our families. It leaves me wondering if we should have kept the balloon release just Shawn, Riley, and I. It just leaves me feeling so very tired.
But on the other hand. I'm full of hope. We finally finished our cycle. We had one beautiful follicle ready to go. My blood test is on the 5TH. I find myself to be a oxymoron of sorts. A fertile infertile. Every cycle I have ovulated I have conceived. But then I've only ever ovulated twice. So Shawn and I are trying to stay optimistic. I have a gut feeling that we are due for a failed cycle. But time will tell. Anyways the hope this cycle has brought to our family has left me feeling very conflicted. One minute I'm down in the dumps the next I'm happily planning my next pregnancy. Then I'm feeling guilty for feeling good.
Anyways my point is that all of this has me withdrawing from my blog, my friends, everything except for Shawn and Riley. So I hope you will all understand why I haven't been around or posting on other blogs. I hope to have this all figured out soon.

7 comments:

  1. I'm right there with you. I feel hopeful around the time we try, but then I have doubts, which puts me in a downward spiral. It's so difficult. I'm praying you get positive results on the 5th. I hope everything works out with the balloon release.

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  2. You poor thing. ((HUGS)) You have a right to happiness in your life and you don't need to feel quilty. (They want their mama happy.) I hear the neglect from all the baby lost mothers.
    It's sinfull. Sorry. ((HUGS AGAIN))

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  3. Hoping and praying for a successful cycle! xx

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  4. Hey hon, sorry you are feeling torn. This road is very bumpy and sometimes you can't turn the corner to a smoother surface. I hope and pray you have a successful cycle, dont feel guilty for planning, your angels want you to be happy!! I know their birthdays are fast approaching, and I am glad to hear you are planning the balloon release, and dont worry how many people show or reply, what matters is YOU, SHAWN AND RILEY!!! Love, Nan xo

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  5. I'm sorry that your families are letting you down at a time when you could really use the support. Thinking of you and your three babies as their anniversary comes closer. Praying for you to conceive soon. (((Hugs))) from a babylost mum in BC.

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  6. Hi Steph,
    Just stopping by to let you know the butterflies are up. I'll mail them out to you, too. :)
    Bree

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  7. Hey you - just checkin in to see how your planning is going and if you are doing ok. What day is the balloon release? ((((HUGS)))) Love Nan

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