I had a crappy day today. I had an 8:30 am appointment at my GYN for a follicle check. I hate bringing my daughter with me. It is an OB office but they try to keep the morning appointments for fertility treatments. I'm always afraid that another woman struggling with infertility will see her. Some days I would like to put I sign around her neck that says "Miracle baby, Mommy and Daddy waited five years for me." But we are keeping this cycle a secret so I don't have a choice.
Today I wanted a sign around my neck. There is only one ultrasound machine in their office. So when 9:15 had come and gone I started to worry. Not for me, but why would someone need such a long ultrasound. It was 10am before I got my ultrasound. By the time I was done getting bad news about my cycle. Riley was in a full terrible two temper tantrum, I can't blame her. As I was scheduling my next appointment Riley hit the full hysterics portion of the fit. Throwing herself on the floor in front of the exit door. Well at the same moment this young woman and her husband are quickly heading for the exit. She is openly sobbing and all I could think was " No not another one." I tried desperately to get Riley out of the way. In that moment I wanted to tell her so much. I wanted her to know she was not alone. I wanted her to know that I understand her pain. I wanted to hold her and cry with her. I stood there wishing I had bereaved mother tattooed on my forehead. All I managed was "I'm sorry." I'm sure she thought I was apologizing about my daughter being in the way. I meant so much more.
As a side note two things.
1. For the few who are following my cycle. After 21 days of injections the one and only tiny follicle I have has shrunk dramatically. So Dr. M has now agreed to up my dosage. I really hope things improve soon. I hate PCOS.
2. Anyone know the best way to get smoke damage off your kitchen walls? Yep, I set my stove on fire. No one was injured but its been a really crappy day.
Dear Doctor,
5 years ago
Sorry you had a crappy day. Just the sight of that poor couple was enough, I'm sure. It made my heart sink to read about it. I remember leaving the office that day. I'm not even sure how I could stand on my own two feet. Worst day of my life. Wishing you lots of luck ttc!!
ReplyDeletexo
Ashley
If only minds could be read then Im sure that couple would have understood, Im sorry honey, how traumatic to go through the appointment to only have that happen afterwards....Im just sorry. Its that looming dark cloud sitting above our heads that wont go away, I know it all too familiarly. Go away dark cloud! Im glad doc is uping your dose, maybe you will be on cycle with me or close to it! I pray for you everyday. I hope your kitchen gets cleaned up as easily as possible, glad no one was hurt. Love Nan xo
ReplyDeleteI have often wanted that same tattoo.. for one reason or another. It's so difficult. There really are so many of us out there.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with upping your dosage. I hope it does the trick.
I made a pair of Angel Wings for Kenzie, Pat and Abby. Please check out the Angel Wings Memorial Boutique on my blog. I hope you like them.
Love to you.
I'm sorry for the crappy day. I had the same experience with my follicle u/s last month. I hate that. Here's hoping that next cycle comes fast!
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry about your day. You can't live your life feeling guilty for having a live child.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. I got your email and will get a handkerchief in the mail to you. I do believe God has lead you to my blog.
Praying for your comfort and strength. ((HUGS))