Happy Birthday Mackenzie Rae

Dearest Kenzie,
Today is you first birthday. I just wanted to tell you how glad I am that I got to be your mommy. You are such an amazing little girl. Your daddy and I still believe that you left my uterus because you knew you were sick, and you sacrificed yourself so that your brother and sister could have a chance. We love you so much and not a day goes by without me wishing you were here. I love you.

3 Things

Number One: October wasn't supposed to come. My babies birthday's will be here soon. I wish I could skip this month. It can't be a year.

Number Two: I will finish the final chapter of our story before their birthday's.

Number Three: My beta is tomorrow. I feel pregnant but I'm afraid its all in my head.

Help

Ladies I need your help. I'm really struggling lately. Sunday marked 10 months and 2weeks for Kenzie and 10 months for Pat and Abby. While that didn't set me back as much as I thought. I find myself overwhelmed by their approaching birthdays. Less than 2 months away. Has it really been that long? I've been writing my story in the hopes of purging some of this increasing sorrow. I miss then so much.
Its become more and more apparent that everyone around me feels like we should be over it by now. The constant questions? Are you pregnant? Are you trying? Do they think a new baby will make everything better. That we will have another child and forget about our triplets. Never! How do I make them understand that we will never be over this. That just because I've gotten better at not crying in public. Doesn't mean my heart's not in a thousand pieces everyday. We are not trying to replace our babies. We want Riley to have a sibling close in age and if that is going to happen well we have to try again (not looking promising on that front either).
I want to celebrate their birthdays. But here is were I need help. I don't know what to do. In a perfect world Shawn Riley and I would have a cake for each of them on their actual birthdays. And all of our family and friends would join us for a balloon release on the Saturday between their birthdays. But I don't know if I'm strong enough to drag out the celebrations over 3 weeks. Plus I don't think my family and friends would understand the balloon release. Shawn says to invite everyone and if they don't come to just forget them. But I can't do that. Every person that no showed would break my heart. But my babies deserve to be celebrated. And each on their special day. Sometimes I really wish they didn't have birthdays 2 weeks apart. So what would you do? Also any tips on how to put together an invitation that won't sound morbid or depressing. And for any of you that have done a balloon release. What did you do? What would you do differently? Any tips or thoughts are greatly appreciated. Thanks.