Friday, October 30, 2009

Happy Birthday Pat and Abby

Happy Birthday my loves. Its so hard for me to believe its been a year. Your big sister blew out your candles for you. I hope you heard us singing. I love you and miss you so.
Forgive my appearance. 3 weeks of bed rest and septic shock. I never fully realized how sick I was until I saw this picture. Right after Shawn took this picture I was taken to the ICU.

Thursday, October 29, 2009


I haven't been around much. I was really doing okay until Tuesday. A "friend" of mine had her second child a beautiful healthy baby boy and I fell apart. I will admit that I've been struggling with their pregnancy form the get go. Which is such a change from how I've been handling other pregnancies around me. I understand a few of the reasons I've been over sensitive.
1. They know I'm infertile and yet they complain about getting pregnant on the first try. If your not ready don't try.
2. She was due on Pat and Abby's birthday. It is such a huge relief that he doesn't share a birthday with my triplets.
3. They have avoided Shawn and I like the plague. We've tried to spend time with them tried to talk with them. Case in point we invited them to spend the afternoon with us let our daughters play together. Visit watch a movie eat some pizza. They invited another couple without our knowledge. People we don't even know and spent the whole time visiting with this other couple like we weren't even there.
4. I still drug myself to her baby shower. Where she turned her nose up at my gift (gift certificate for hand and foot impressions) sorry I still can't pick out cute little boy outfits. At least this time she didn't ignore me.
I'm trying so desperately to save our friendship. I can't just cut her out of my life. Both of our families are taking on leadership roles in our church. She's not worth leaving the church we love and I don't see her going anywhere anytime soon. So I have to salvage this relationship. I'm sure my attitude will improve with time and I really do love the little guy and his parents they are just clueless to the unintentional pain they cause. I will calm down and I'm sure they will be forgiven by this time next week. Its just so raw right now. I just have no idea on how to educate them so they can understand when and how they have hurt us. They didn't hurt me by getting pregnant I wish them nothing but the best. I want them to have all the beautiful healthy children they want. It was all in their behavior towards us, and I'm sure they thought they were protecting us. Every time I tried to ask her how the pregnancy was going she would change the subject. I brought it up. If I don't want to know I wont ask! Okay that's enough venting. Thanks for reading. I will share about the balloon release tomorrow on Pat and Abby's day.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Happy Birthday Mackenzie Rae

Dearest Kenzie,
Today is you first birthday. I just wanted to tell you how glad I am that I got to be your mommy. You are such an amazing little girl. Your daddy and I still believe that you left my uterus because you knew you were sick, and you sacrificed yourself so that your brother and sister could have a chance. We love you so much and not a day goes by without me wishing you were here. I love you.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Wave of Light

Tonight I remember not only my triplets but all of the babies that should be here today.